I have been using essential oils for years. I started waaaaaaay back before the dawn of the internet (i.e. 10 years ago or so…hahaha), but I had no idea what I was doing. At this point my oils are a lifeline for emotional balance and peace, but the other day I was truly BLOWN away.
After a few months of using oils from various chain stores, I transitioned to one specific company’s oils, but was underwhelmed with the results. I stayed with their oils for a few years, but then I noticed a FB friend had begun using Young Living oils with amazing results.
I was incredibly intrigued.
A year later, I finally had the courage to ask some questions and I immediately jumped in with both feet and have been using them solidly for the past two years.
The other day, though, I had an amazing emotional breakthrough, and I am still reeling from it!
How I Released a Lifetime of Emotion So I Can Soar!
You see, for the past probably five or more years, I have felt like I had some kind of an anxiety issue, or stress response when my kids were too loud, or rambunctious. Right in the center of my chest, and slightly to the right, I would get this tightening and then feel like I couldn’t get a good breath. It was never debilitating or super concerning, just uncomfortable and annoying.
I noticed that it always followed a stressful situation, and there was little I could do to avoid it.
It pained me that my body responded this way to my kids, because I don’t WANT to have a negative response to them, and yet, here I was. And the cycle simply exasperated the whole issue!
I have a love and fascination with alternative health modalities, including Traditional Chinese Medicine, Homeopathy, and other various therapies, and was shocked to learn that there is a connection between the discomfort I was experiencing and a certain emotion. It blew me away!
It broke my heart, though, to know that the emotion connected with that spot is “disgust.”
Am I disgusted with the kids? Am I disgusted with myself? What is the deal?!
I had no real clarity on what this meant for me, but I held it in the back of my mind, asking our Abba to help me understand.
And He did…and has not stopped.
My Emotional Breakthrough and Release
Just a few days ago, the kids were simply being kids. They were noisy and playing, and yelling and bickering, and it was just a normal day. But, the pain in my chest would not go away. It just sat there, tight and uncomfortable, like a roadblock to my breath.
I sat in my room, blank and empty, and I prayed for help.
Lord, I don’t want to feel this way! I don’t want to have some immediate response to the kids within me that drives me emotionally batty and creates such a yuck within me. Help! Take it away. Cleanse me.
And I just felt Him gently whisper, “Release…Release.”
Now, this may not mean anything to you, but He put within my mind the essential oils blend Release. I owned it. I had smelled it. But, I never really USED it.
I wanted to just sit and cry, but I couldn’t. I was blocked. My throat was all clenched and tight, and I could not squeeze out anything. No tears. Nothing.
Release…Release.
So, I grabbed the oil. I inhaled it deeply and applied it to topically to a few areas of my body and prayed.
Then, the floodgates opened. I cried…long and hard. And memories began to flood through my mind, full of pain and my darkest struggles and times of disgust with the world around me.
The season when my strong-willed daughter was struggling with her autonomy and constantly battled with me, and I felt completely inadequate to parent her.
Release.
Her entire birth experience in the hospital, when I felt disempowered, threatened, unsupported, and alone, and the following months of processing pain and relational discord that followed.
Release.
I thanked the Lord for His mercy to carry me through those dark times, and His redemptive grace that I see day by day in my amazing and wonderful daughter. He reminded me that He is still the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow and that He continues to carry me through the hard days.
But, the memories did not stop there.
The Pains of My Past Needed to be Cleansed
My mind began to race back to my childhood and the years following my father’s death. I was 6 years old, and the following 6 or so years are very blank and blocked.
But, suddenly there they were. Sadness, emptiness, feeling alone and abandoned, helpless to change the realities of my world. It was a fog of disorientation, and emotional turmoil. And, my little child mind was disgusted with it all. Disgusted from the lack of support our family received in those years. Disgusted by the roller coaster that became my life at home.
And I cried. And cried and cried and cried. It felt so, so good.
Some time ago I learned the Hebraic word for the ritualistic cleansing that was done in the temple: mikvah. In Christendom this is known as a baptism, but it is the continuation of this cleansing experience.
As I read about the mikvah, it occurred to me that the Flood, too, was a mikvah for the earth; a time of cleansing and restoration to God.
And, in the same sense I believe that our tears are a spiritual mikvah, and cleansing of our souls and the pains that harm our hearts.
This is exactly how I felt: Cleansed. Whole. Refreshed.
My tears washed away the stored up emotions of my youth that carried into my responses in adulthood, which were manifesting in the physical reactions of my body.
I don’t know how this body works, but I know I believe that there is more in play than we yet understand. There is a world study happening now on that is ASTOUNDING in areas like epigenetics, inheritance, and others.
I have enjoyed great blessing from my other varied uses of oils. I had heard good things about this oil. It’s description is interesting, and truly was SPOT ON: “…a relaxing aroma that facilitates the ability to let go of anger and frustration.”
So, this is why I gave it a try. I stretched WAYYYYY outside of my comfort zone to see if oils could offer some assistance to my struggle and emotional discomfort.
And, it. was. amazing.
The Process of Cleansing Is Ongoing. He is not done with me yet.
Since this experience, now about three weeks ago, I find myself SO much more able to cry and express emotion when thinking about my dad and his death. For me, this is huge! I have not been able to access these emotions for over 26 years, and I didn’t even realize it.
I suspect I’ll continue to be a blubbering mess for days to come, but I would rather the emotion come out than stay locked up inside.
Though the chest tightening still comes and goes, the emotional assault no longer comes with it. Without the emotional response I am able to more clearly handle the little realities of life that have been very hard these past few years.
I expect this process to require some repeats, but for now I am so incredibly grateful for the Lord’s guidance and help to release these hurts that I had not ever allowed myself to feel as sadness. And, I am so, so thankful that He lead me to the oils and the amazing blessings He placed within them.
It truly never gets old.
Shalom.
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